20 Lessons on Negotiation and Leadership from Jim Camp Jr.

I’m not a professional writer, so this summary may not be the best.

But I’m excited about negotiation and want to share with you my valuable takeaways.

If something is not clear, will you send me your feedback?

You can watch the full interview and learn yourself or read my quick summary.

It’s your choice, whatever your time permits.

Here are my 20 negotiation lessons from the conversation with Jim Camp Jr.:

The power of NO

1. It’s essential to understand what negotiation is and what it isn’t.

Negotiation is an effort to make an agreement between 2 or more parties where each party has a right to say NO (and walk away).

Negotiation is when people have control over their decisions, specifically their decision to say NO. If people can’t say NO, they are not free and can’t negotiate. Their freedom to decide is limited. Therefore, they are not responsible for the outcomes.

2. NO is a positive and empowering word when you learn how to say it and how to hear it.

NO liberates you from uncertainty because when you hear NO, you know where the boundaries are.

If you propose changes in your organization, you’ll first hear a NO. But it is a good start because you’ll never hear a YES if you don’t ask.

NO is not the end. It’s the start. When you hear NO, you realize that you crossed the line and can now find where the line is. You can now find the reason for hearing NO.

A NO shouldn’t discourage you because if you hear it once and then two times and then 3 times, you’ll eventually get a “let’s try it” and then “Why didn’t we do it in the first place?”

3. NO is a decision.

It’s not dismissive. It’s not derogatory. It’s informative.

Decisions can be changed. Today’s NO may become a YES tomorrow.

If we do it respectfully, we can continue the negotiation. Only you can decide when the negotiation stops.

Pay respect to those who say NO to you openly and respectfully. They help you find the YES.

4. Don’t get discouraged when you hear NO. Discover the reason for NO.

There are 4 major reasons why people say NO:

- No vision of how the future state may be. No vision - no decision.

- No data to support the vision. Uncertainty about success is the biggest reason.

- They are not qualified to say Yes. Some roles are created to disqualify, i.e., to say NO and discourage further conversation. Find a decision maker who has the power to say YES.

- They want to hear your NO and see where your boundaries are. It’s a test.

5. When people know it’s OK to say and hear NO, they compromise less and achieve more.

When you fear hearing NO, you start to look for a “safe” solution and compromise early.

When you fear saying NO, you may agree to the terms that are not comfortable for you.

6. A systematic approach to negotiation reduces emotions and brings order to the process.

Negotiation is emotionally demanding and stressful because of the constant pressure for the results.

Having a system in place gives you a lot of control over emotions while going through the right steps.

7. A systematic approach to the very complex subject of negotiation is critical.

You will make mistakes, and you’ll make wrong decisions. That’s inevitable.

But you can correct them by making the next decisions.

You can't make irreversible mistakes if you stay with the systematic approach.

8. If you want to get good at negotiation, you need to study it.

Negotiation is a complex process.

A system of preparation is crucial for exercising the right approach and strategy.

Controlling your emotions, focus, and behaviors during negotiation takes a lot of skills.

Making the right decisions during the course of negotiation determines the outcomes.

A negotiation debrief is essential for successful progress and continuous improvement.

9. Changing behaviors is the hardest thing a person can do.

Discipline is the most important factor in negotiation.

Your own behavior is the only thing you can control. And you must control it with a superior discipline. It is when you know what to do and exercise it fully and flawlessly.

10. The dangers of the win-win approach are in the attempt to control the win on the other side.

If you’re trying to control the benefits of the other side, you will make decisions based on your knowledge and perception of the situation. It may undermine your benefits and results. It can also undermine the strength of the agreement.

An early compromise prevents collaborative thinking and finding an optimal solution.

11. When you are feeling being (verbally) attacked, it’s human nature to take it personally.

You automatically go into the “fight or flight” mode. It takes a lot of patience and strength to think, “What can I do differently?”

Instead of defending yourself, apply empathy and discover their reasons for being this way.

Give them permission to tell you NO and see what happens.

12. The low-risk environment is a great place to practice.

In case you want to get better at negotiation, practice where the stakes are not so high.

Practice telling people “No” and see what happens. There are many ways to do it respectfully and indirectly. For example, you can ask a question instead of saying YES: "How am I supposed to do it?"

13. Ask future-oriented interrogative questions to build a vision

Good open-ended interrogative questions create a vision on the other side. Vision drives the decision.

Today, we see a lot of social marketing, and people get marketing messages all the time. Many messages are too long to read, and we don’t have time for it. They go right to the trash bin.

The best marketing messages are short - just one question.

What would it look like if I helped you do XYZ?

Such a question quickly brings you into your world and makes you think and see the vision of your future. Vision drives the decision.

Leadership with NO

14. Negotiation makes you a better leader.

As a leader, you are only as good as your team. You’ll achieve superior goals if you can lead more people and align their best efforts.

Leadership is a form of negotiation because, as a leader, you’ll have to make agreements with your team to work in concert. You’ll have to agree about what you do, how you do it together and why it’s important.

15. Experienced leaders are experienced negotiators.

Leaders make resilient agreements. The agreements that work for a long time and don’t require constant maintenance. They make agreements internally and externally to reinforce their purpose.

Some people ask, how do leaders rise so high? How do they have so many followers and supporters? There’s no secret: the followers and supporters agreed to follow and support the leader’s purpose.

Each agreement is a result of negotiation. The leader and the follower found a common purpose, communicated it, and agreed to take part in implementing it.

Each job is an agreement. Yes, people join companies to make money, but there are so many opportunities out there.

So, no, great performers do not work solely for money. They work for success. They agree to join companies because they make supportive agreements with the existing company leaders to achieve a mutual purpose and fulfill their vision. Monetary compensation is just a part of negotiation.

16. If you want to preserve your team, don’t use your authority. Make agreements instead.

As a leader, you have the authority to demand the results and behaviors. But it’s not the only way to lead. Saying “I’m the boss” only gets you so far.

People don’t leave their jobs. They leave bosses who lean too much on their authority and can’t sell the team on their vision and purpose.

If you can learn to make agreements with your team, you’ll be much more successful as a leader. Create a vision of “why we’re doing what we’re doing.” Reinforce it routinely.

17. The role of a leader is to give people a mission and a purpose.

Most cohesive teams roll in the same direction. They support each other because they are very clear about why they stay together.

The more clear the purpose is in the minds of followers, the more momentum the team has and the more chances there are for shared success.

The bigger your team becomes, the more you must trust your people. Your trust is rooted in the agreements that you successfully created and that provide value every day without your intervention.

Negotiation skills are crucial for creating many agreements that last years and decades without flaws.

18. Great leaders encourage NO.

If you are asking someone to make a hard decision, give them permission to say NO.

It becomes less emotional. It grants the ability to get emotions out of the way and think creatively.

And if you encourage people to say NO, you get their buy-in. It’s no longer your idea. It enables a tighter agreement on both sides.

19. The stronger the relationship, the more you want to say NO in a nurturing and respectful way.

The foundation for negotiation is nurturing and respect. You can’t let relationships interfere with your decisions.

Don’t let the fear of losing relationships dictate your decisions.

You are on the good side as long as you set the agenda to help.

20. Have the courage to negotiate with your leader and your boss.

Do it in a nurturing way and respectfully.

Before you negotiate, ask for permission. “I have a concern. How open are you to hear that?”

Some leaders could be overwhelmed and will say No. But it’s OK. We are all people, and emotions may take over.

When you deliver your message respectfully, you fulfill your leadership mission.

Thank you for reading!

If you have questions, please send me an email at vb@bushinconsulting.com, and we’ll discuss it next time we meet.

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