Apologize like a Pro

Many times, we find ourselves in a heated conversation. Sometimes, we feel so much and raise our voices. And there are moments when we say something we didn’t mean to say. Something may come across as disrespectful.

People may think that we don’t care about them. But we don’t want to leave such an impression. We must know how to fix the error.

How can we compensate for their emotional damage?

An apology will help the most.

Apologizing is an emotionally challenging task. It isn’t easy, even when we know that we must apologize. When we apologize, we make ourselves vulnerable.

Becoming vulnerable is not easy or trivial. Defensive apologies come across as weak, insincere, and lacking responsibility. A quick “sorry” may undermine the purpose and worsen the relationship.

How can we apologize the right way?

How can we repair the relationship and reach their hearts again?

Let’s re-invent our apology style.

1. Use the word “apologize.”

“I apologize” is better than “I’m sorry.” When you say, “I apologize,” you admit your role in what happened. You take responsibility for your actions. An apology means regret for something done wrong. “Sorry” is merely sympathy with someone else’s misfortune. “Sorry” is a passive word, so use the word “apologize” instead.

2. Tell them what you’ve done.

Include the facts about your inappropriate behavior. Telling them about what you have done is like reading their mind. They will appreciate your understanding of your missteps. And they will correct you if you have missed anything.

3. Tell them what you should have done.

After telling what you’ve done, express what you should have done. Demonstrate your understanding of the difference between actual behavior and correct behavior. It will be very empathetic and most likely be in alignment with what the other person thinks. Being transparent about your thoughts reflects that you own your apology. From this point, they won’t need to tell you what to do in the future.

4. Talk about how they feel.

Imagine the impact and the emotional discomfort your actions caused. Then, share your thoughts. Tell them what they probably feel about what happened. Discussing their feelings sends a subtle message: “I care about your feelings. And I care about you.” If you don’t guess their feelings right, they will let you know. You will never lose with it.

5. Express gratitude.

After you tell them how they feel about you, express your gratitude. Tell them how much you appreciate them and appreciate what they do. This will restore the positive context of your conversation and will convey your good intentions to foster healthy relationships.

6. Commit to improving.

Add your plan and determination to change the situation in the future. Offer to make up for it somehow. Understanding and commitment complement each other very well.

7. Ask them what to do.

Do you want to sound extra respectful? Ask them for their advice.

You can ask about other steps to recover the damage caused by your behavior. You can also ask for advice about handling similar situations in the future. Asking for their advice projects trust and restores relationships to a balanced level.

How does it sound when put together?

Let’s say you were 10 minutes late for someone’s meeting. When the situation allows, say something like below.

I apologize. I was late for your meeting for more than 10 minutes. I should have managed my time better and come a few minutes before the meeting started. You probably feel disrespected and frustrated about my behavior. I appreciate your leadership and your efforts to organize these meetings. Thank you for inviting me to contribute. I’m grateful for the chance to collaborate with you. I’ll make sure to be on time in the future. What else would you recommend I do in situations like this?

The delivery.

Mind your tone of voice and body language when you apologize. The tone of voice should project determination and respect. Look them in the eye when you speak. Use deliberate, slow, and affirmative body language. The emotional message is as important as words. A verbal message is just a wrap for the emotional message. Just like a pretty package for an expensive gift makes it more special.

Listen to the response carefully. And thank them for the candid feedback, whatever it is.

Conclusion

When you master your apology, you’ll start hearing from people something like, “Oh, this is so nice!”

People will appreciate your apology. And you will be able to maintain a supportive and trusting relationship.

There are many opportunities to apologize, big and small. Find the reasons and practice until you own a new great habit!

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