Explaining? You're losing your power.

Did you know that you can't explain anything to anyone?

Well, except for a student in the classroom or your little child.

It's easy when pressure is applied, like a "get the grade or get out" situation.

People under pressure don't have a choice but to accept your explanation or face negative consequences.

But how do you persuade someone who is independent?

Can you really put pressure on your client, or your prospect, or your business partner, or your boss?

If you start explaining, then the only thing you'll get in response is criticism or another opinion.

The explanation quickly turns into exchanging cross-arguments.

Do you know why?

Because when you explain something, you give out your control and power to make decisions to the other side.

People will judge your explanation, and if it doesn't fit their world - you're done.

They will decide that.

Not you.

So, what can you really do?

How can you persuade someone stronger than you, more powerful than you, someone with higher authority and more resources?

There are 3 options:

1. Give up (Most people say, "I have no leverage” and quit.)

2. Show

3. Create a vision

When you tell stories, you show.

When you get others to explain, you create a vision.

Show:

One of my clients had difficulty asking important questions of his prospects.

He is a real estate professional, and he has to make deals with homeowners.

Otherwise, he won't get paid.

This means he needs to guide the homeowners through a decision-making process.

Is this easy?

Not at all, because we make decisions when we have to, which means we feel stressed.

Yes, the decision-making emotion is stress and fear of missing out.

Therefore, a real estate professional must cause stress to the homeowner by asking questions about their future.

These are uncomfortable questions about finances, wrong decisions, misjudgments, miscalculations, and wishful thinking.

For example:

- "How much do you pay for the mortgage on the house that you don't occupy?"

- "What will you lose if your house sits on the market for over 90 days?"

- "How many months do you want to be away from your family to prepare this house for a sale on your own?"

They are difficult, emotional, and personal questions that are designed to put someone in a decision-making mode.

The risk is that the prospect will get offended and won't talk to you anymore.

So, what my client did is brilliant.

He added two things before he asked these difficult questions.

First, he added an empathetic statement before the question.

And second, he asked for permission to ask a difficult question.

He'd say:

Preparing a house for sale is expensive and takes a lot of time. You probably thought a lot about it.

May I ask you a difficult question?

How much cash will you lose if your house sits for another 90 days without showings?

This allowed him to move the decision-making process forward without undermining the relationship with the client.

Now, why do I tell you this story?

Because it's the way to "show."

You can't judge me for telling you a story.

You can believe or not believe this story.

It's your choice.

And if you choose to believe, you'll subconsciously seek value from this story and ways to apply it.

Stories are influential because they show evidence of value.

Create a vision:

Science tells us an interesting fact about our thinking.

We're making more neuro-paths when we're speaking than when we're listening.

That's why we sometimes need to "talk through" a difficult situation.

We solve problems when speaking because our brain is active.

We start to "see" the solution when we're talking.

Therefore, to help someone see what they don't see, you need to ask them questions.

I recently needed a certified translation for a couple of documents.

These 2 documents were very similar.

Each was the same 2-page form with different names and dates in it.

I sent it to a company that does certified translations.

They sent me 2 invoices, one for $84 and another for $124.

Each invoice listed a price for 2 pages, 2 notary stamps, and 1 FedEx shipment.

I paid $84 and started a negotiation about the second invoice:

"Could you clarify the purpose of the second invoice?" I asked.

Got a reply: "Sorry, it was a mistake. I sent you another invoice for the missing 2 pages."

The second invoice dropped from $124 to $40

My follow-up message: "Thank you, the documents are pretty similar. How do you accommodate the situation when translation is not required?"

Got a response: "We've included a discount."

The price dropped to $25

My next follow-up: "How hard is it for you to copy-paste the text of a single document and change the name and the date? What charge do you see is fair for your loyal customer who is committed to working with you in the future?"

Response: "As a one-time courtesy, we have further reduced the invoice price. Our policy is the price per page. Sorry."

The price dropped to $19.90

I paid the invoice.

Conclusion: vision drives decision.

Keep in mind this is just an example.

Who was explaining in this interaction?

Who was making offers?

Who was asking questions?

What vision was created?

I can't push a company to do something unprofitable.

I don't have leverage.

But I can ask questions and build a vision of a fair business.

Once they see what is fair, they make another offer.

I don't have to insist.

I only have to decide whether to accept their offer or continue the negotiation.

For me, it means a price reduction.

For them, it means a loyal customer and reputation.

Summary:

1. Don't explain

Instead:

2. Show (tell a story),

3. Create a vision (ask questions)

Want to see yourself in a decision-maker seat more often?

Connect with me on the "Easy Start" Zoom call, and ask me anything about negotiation or influence.

https://bit.ly/easy-start-30-min

Or if you're a master of negotiation - take a quiz and see where you stand.

https://bit.ly/negotiation-quiz-1

Want to check your influence skills? Here's the survey:

https://bit.ly/ethical-influence-survey-for-advisors