Ignore emotions at your peril

It's embarrassing to tell failure stories.

But to be real, I should tell you when and how I fail.

Besides, I personally learn much more after a miserable failure.

Learn from my mistakes, or just laugh at them - it's on me today!

Did you know that not addressing the emotional baggage could cost you a deal and maybe destroy relationships?

Here's an example of how emotional baggage quickly killed my options.

I was late for a seminar which was held over Zoom.

When I connected, everybody had already been sent to the breakout rooms (separate virtual rooms away from the host)

I was over 15 minutes late (oh, yeah, I'm bad!) and didn't know if it was OK for me to join.

I wanted to see what happens.

When I connected, I joined the main room, and the event host said, "I'm sorry, Vlad. I apologize, but you are too late, and joining those groups in the breakout rooms is not possible."

It felt like the host took a position of apology for hurting me.

The host's tone confused me, and I assumed that the host didn't want to disappoint me.

That was a dangerous assumption, and I paid a high price for it!

Imagine that someone is apologetic to you. What would you feel?

You'll say, "Oh, no problem, it's OK!" and then you'd probably step over it and continue talking.

That's what I did, and it was a mistake.

In my mind, it was not a big deal, so I was curious. I asked, "What prevents me from joining any existing room?"

The host said, "You would ruin their timing because they already agreed about it."

Adding another person would mean that the timing of the discussion would need to be adjusted.

Fair enough, I really didn't want to mess up anyone's timing.

Here's my second warning sign of not addressing the emotional baggage, the word "ruining."

It alerted me, but it sounded like an exaggeration.

I was not going to ruin anyone's experience. I wanted to be respectful.

But I didn't do anything to clear the air. I continue to stay in the "problem-solving" mode.

"What will happen next?" I asked.

The host said that the people would be in the breakout rooms for another 1.5 hours and then would come back for a debrief.

"By the way," the host continued, "I don't have much time to talk with you. I need to jump on another call."

It seemed like the host wanted to cut our conversation short and really didn't like me asking further questions.

In a way, the host indirectly said to me, "I don't want to find solutions for you."

I realize most people would stop asking questions, give up, and get off the call.

Well, haven't I already been told 3 times that nothing is possible?

Now it would be a great time to address emotional baggage. It was probably my last chance.

But another mistake was made, an assumption that something could be agreed upon quickly.

It's my fault. I kept myself in the "quick solution" mode, assuming the host just didn't see it.

Wrong.

It was not a problem of logical thinking but a problem of emotional state.

"Can I join to listen only?" I asked.

The host said it was impossible because I was late and I'd ruin their experience.

It wasn't the answer to my question. It was pretty much a repetition of the first message.

I was stuck.

It usually happens when you are emotional and go in a single direction for too long. In my case – solutioning.

But it didn't work.

Something was off, and I didn't catch it.

The host was

• Adamant that I'll ruin the experience of people

• Irritated about my questions taking time

Not knowing what to say, I mumbled, "That's a bummer."

Here, the host hung up (kicked me out of the Zoom call).

Wow!

It's not too exciting to be cut off and kicked out of the call.

But that's the end of the story.

What did I do about it?

Did I complain or fight?

No, but I did a debrief.

What lessons did I learn from it?

Plenty!

How the interaction should have sounded like (warning, I make it all up based on my experience and wild imagination):

- Host: "I'm sorry, Vlad. I apologize, but you are too late, and joining those groups in the breakout rooms is not possible."

- Me: "It's me who must apologize. I joined way too late, and it is disrespectful to the whole group and to you as a host. I sincerely apologize. I should have refrained from joining and bothering you."

- Host: "No problem, Vlad, but I really can't do much for you. It's too late, and you'll ruin the timing."

- Me: "Of course, your role is to protect the people who joined on time. You're very responsible and won't allow anyone to mess with the structure and experience of the session."

- Host: "Yeah, and besides, I don't have much time to talk. I have to jump on another call."

- Me: "You have a really tight schedule. Taking care of one call while engaging in another. That's a lot on your plate. Could be stressful."

- Host: "It is. Sorry that I can't do much for you."

- Me: "You probably follow the rules set by the company?"

- Host: "I do."

- Me: "I’m sure you’d have more options if there were fewer rules."

- Host: "Right."

At this point, I could have concluded that a rule was in place, and the host couldn’t break it.

Most importantly, the host might have offered me an alternative solution in exchange for my empathy and respect.

Also, knowing the reason behind the NO is advantageous as it opens another door for a future conversation.

To summarize:

Enjoy your day, and stay connected!

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https://bit.ly/easy-start-30-min

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