Feeling slightly negative? Mind what you say next.

Did you know you could inadvertently get into an argument without knowing it?

Imagine a conversation between a hiring manager and an overqualified candidate.

Candidate: "You said that I'm overqualified. I feel I could contribute much more than the job description. Maybe you could consider that I take on more responsibilities?"

Manager: "Yes, it will be interesting to see how you'll do it, I will support this idea. But it has to be after a year, of course."

Candidate: "6 months to a year is something reasonable."

Manager: "I told you about one year, anyway. We'll discuss it after a year from the day you're hired."

Candidate: "Well, It's difficult to see what comes in the future. If there's an opportunity in 3-4 months, I think we can discuss early?"

Manager: "Yeah," shrugging his shoulders, "I don't have anything in mind right now, but we can discuss it later."

Sounds like an OK conversation?

However, we've got shocking feedback from Manager.

After the conversation, Manager said:

"Candidate tried to override me, and I was insulted. I have lost my interest in hiring him."

Manager felt that he was talking about 1 year, and Candidate kept insisting on shorter terms: 6 months and 3 months.

The conversation wasn't exactly how Manager described it because Candidate didn't try to override.

But perception is reality.

Whatever Manager said, he felt, was true for him.

What was happening to Candidate?

When Candidate heard about 1 year of delay, he was disappointed and saw it as a limitation.

He felt that Manager was inflexible and stubborn.

Besides, Manager recognized him as overqualified, and Candidate wanted to help Manager with his skills.

He could start taking on higher responsibilities from day one!

"Why does Manager want to wait for a year?

It doesn't make sense!"

Notice that Manager went slightly negative and defensive. He wanted to protect his decision by a 1-year term.

Candidate got negative too and started to avoid discussion of a one-year term. He defended his opportunities by mentioning 6 months and then 3-4 months.

This clash of negativity created a competitive environment where both sides realized they were challenged without a reason.

What could Candidate have done instead to avoid the argument and keep the doors open for early opportunities?

When he heard, "I will support this idea. But it has to be after a year," how should his agenda have changed?

This is what crosses my mind:

"1 year? Ouch! Why so long and so defined? Did something happen in the past? Is any distrust going on? Any fear?"

Here's what a negotiator would do to avoid the argument, keep the conversation safe, and expand opportunities:

1. First, Nurture to maintain a safe environment.

One of the following would do:

2. Second, explore the reasons for defensiveness.

Consider saying one of the following right after Nurturing.

I'll break it down by categories of what potentially could be the reason:

Yes, you'll need to choose which reason to test.

Or you can explore them one by one.

To put it together, you can choose any line from Nurturing and any line from exploring reasons.

For example, if I want to Nurture and then explore the level of trust, this is how it may sound:

"That's reasonable. What would be the most important for you to support this idea?"

In reply, I expect to hear the points on how Manager is seeing the picture of building trust, what Manager is expecting to happen to get comfortable with me, and how Manager will test my loyalty.

This is something I could work with.

The advantage of this approach is that we don't need to commit to any term right now.

The 1-year term sounds informational rather than limiting.

Note it in your future negotiations bucket list.

We can always reopen this topic and continue to explore the needs of the Manager and the company to adjust the terms.

Fair enough?

If it's not helpful, let me know, and I'll stop bothering you with the annoying posts and emails.

I don't want to waste your time. I aim to help you get ahead in your business with world-class communication.

Want to know how to handle negativity in conversations?

Feel free to jump on the "Easy Start" call. (see the link below)

Brainstorm what you can say to get more business and build trusting relationships.

All the best!

Join the "Easy Start" call to ask any questions on handling negativity.

https://bit.ly/easy-start-30-min

Or if you're a master of negotiation - take a quiz and see where you stand.

https://bit.ly/negotiation-quiz-1

Want to check your influence skills? Here's the survey:

https://bit.ly/ethical-influence-survey-for-advisors