Pre-election race: Lessons about Negotiation

What does the pre-election campaign have to do with negotiation?

Negotiation is a much broader concept than bargaining about prices.

It is an effort to make an agreement with independent people who are free to say YES or NO.

It’s pretty much like voting.

The candidates are negotiating the support of the free voters.

What can we tell about candidates’ negotiation styles?

I’ve seen many debates since 2006, and there are 2 main patterns:

1. Talking about past

2. Talking about future

Why is it important?

Because those who talk about the past focus on fairness.

Those who look forward focus on enabling growth.

Both approaches are essential as they paint an emotional picture.

What’s the difference?

When a candidate talks about the past, it’s usually a criticism.

Describing how wrong the past was and how unfair the prior decisions were evokes strong negative emotions.

In behavioral psychology, it’s called the “Fear of Missing Out” (FOMO) or a scarcity mindset.

Our human tendency is to avoid losses rather than seek gains.

Loss aversion is at least twice as strong as the desire for gains.

This means humans would avoid losing one dollar even if there’s a chance to gain two or three.

Those who look back and seek fairness often talk about losses and the risks of losses because they evoke much stronger feelings.

Fairness seekers also employ tactics to undermine trust in the opponent by pointing to their lack of

integrity.

We don’t trust people who lack integrity. Therefore, when successful, this approach triggers a lot of fear.

Finally, people who seek fairness and focus on the past tend to trigger strong feelings of guilt.

Have you been in a conversation where you were accused of wrongdoing?

Know that you have faced a victim.

Victims can’t exist without villains, so they make you the one.

That’s how they get their way.

They are usually “surrounded by villains” because it defines their available options.

Watch when candidates blame others for being incompetent, stupid, not doing their jobs, etc.

That’s what victims say.

Victims can force others into compliance by making them villains and taking them on a guilt trip.

It’s efficient in getting what they want, but it destroys relationships.

Victims do not see relationships as valuable assets.

That’s why they employ guilt.

Victims don’t know how to leverage relationships in the right way.

Therefore, they predictably exchange relationships for anything that they have control over and can use at will:

The reason why victims can’t leverage relationships is because the value of relationships is in the future.

Victims focus on the past and can’t talk about the future.

It’s hard for them to think about it in detail.

That’s why victims are absolutely helpless and incompetent when it comes to negotiating with people who are free to say NO and walk away.

Negotiation is the process of creating a vision for the future.

And if it’s hard for them to see the future, they can’t do it for others either.

They struggle to take responsibility and create a plan.

It’s uncomfortable for them to be responsible or vulnerable.

They only want to get what they deserve.

That’s why they focus on what’s unfair and look for who is guilty of their misery.

They look to see who will take responsibility for them.

What do they do after they get what they want?

Are they appreciative?

Are they sharing what they have?

Not really.

In the victim’s mind, they get what they deserve and don’t need to share it.

On the opposite, they protect their gains.

Know that if you feel a lot of fear, anxiety, or guilt, you’re dealing with a victim.

You can see it in the presidential debates this year and before.

I don’t want to bring examples here because I’d like to stay neutral and avoid projecting my political views.

You’ll recognize victims by their mentality, accusations, focus on the past, lack of responsibility, disrespect, and attempts to spread fear.

Rules to deal with victims once you recognize them:

1. Deal with them at your own peril, as victims are irresponsible.

2. Don’t give in to their guilt trips. Expect to hear a lot of bad things about yourself.

3. Don’t play their game. Don’t accuse them back. Make a decision to walk away.

4. Don’t let them lead others. They can only lead to their own benefits.

5. If you want to help them, coach them to create options. Often, they feel helpless.

6. Give them a book on negotiation. Education may improve their attitude.

7. Don’t be the one. Avoid the victim-villain-helpless mindset. Look for your responsibility in every problem. Discover where people are coming from and why. Create options.

Let’s see what negotiators talk about.

Negotiation is all about making collective decisions to solve problems.

Negotiation is an effort to make agreements with the people who are free to say NO.

Negotiators do not get stuck in the past.

Nor do they try to take away the right to say NO from their opponents.

They don’t discredit them.

Negotiators mostly talk about the present and the future.

The future is where the relationships live and thrive.

Healthy relationships demand trust and integrity.

Therefore, negotiators will talk about the vision of your future, your values, purposes, and plans.

They will focus on your interests because they lead to agreements based on common interests.

If there is a fear of missing out, it will be about missing your future goals and dreams.

As part of the conversation, negotiators nurture a comfortable and respectful relationship.

Trusting relationships are important for taking risks together and collaborating to reach goals.

Relationships are absolutely essential for any business.

Therefore, negotiators pay close attention to nurturing, rapport, and connection.

Negotiators are empathetic, future-oriented, respectful, and supportive.

In contrast, what you will never hear from victims is talking about you and your interests.

Because they don’t care about relationships with “villains”.

They don’t have a goal to support and grow people.

Victims break relationships as they get what they want.

Negotiators create relationships by focusing on giving others what they want.

Solving problems and giving others what they want is the essence of making deals.

Victims have trouble solving problems. They often create them.

That’s the main difference, and that’s why it’s important.

The forward-looking people value relationships and build on top of them.

Because people who bet on relationships are not victims.

They are leaders.

To recognize a leader, pay attention to what they say about the future.

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