The most essential human need

I had a friend who was amazing at connecting with people.

He could strike up a conversation with anyone and make a friend very quickly.

It was amazing to see how he does that.

Once, we went together for breakfast and sat at the table at a quite busy place.

I stepped out for just about a minute, not more.

When I got back, I found my friend, Patrick, talking to a couple who were sitting at the next table.

They were telling pretty much a story of their life to Patrick like they were his best friends!

I was amazed by the speed of getting so deep into the conversation and building such a strong rapport.

I asked Patrick later, how he started this conversation and made people share so much with him and so quickly.

"Oh," he said, "this man had a pretty special hat, and I just asked about it."

"That was it?" - I was surprised.

"See, Vlad, most people are trying so hard to be unique and special, but, unfortunately, only a few people notice.

But people want to be seen."

This statement was puzzling to me at that time.

Sincerely, it took me a couple of years to really grasp what it means on a deep level.

I was confused till I joined the "hotline listening" practice with Pasha Veres, a former police officer and hotline council and now a host and a co-founder of the Negotiation Practice Community.

This is how Pasha explains the core of the most essential human need:

"People want to be heard, seen, and recognized to exist."

Whatever we do, whatever we say, whatever we make ourselves look like, by doing it, we communicate who we are.

And if someone can receive this message, "decode" it, and respond to it, this person will get 100% attention and an invitation to explore more.

In this case, the hat was a "coded message" about this person.

And Patrick was able to recognize it and acknowledge it.

Noticing something special about people and understanding the unspoken message is a true mastership in communication.

And there are many opportunities for it.

You don't need to wait when someone wears a special hat.

You just need to listen to what people say.

There's always something that they want to say but don't because they want you to discover it and ask about it.

And if you notice it and ask, you'll get 100% attention and an invitation to explore more.

That's where Advanced Reflective Listening is most helpful.

It's about listening for the purpose of noticing emotions and what is not being said.

And it's about reflecting on what people say and why they are saying it.

If you want to connect with someone on a deeper level, learn the true purpose of listening.

Join a free Masterclass on Monday: "Advanced Reflective Listening" - 30 minutes of getting to the core of it plus a demo and answering your questions.

https://bit.ly/reflective-listening-mc