Same words, but 38% more impact

You probably heard this advice: "Don't use the word 'BUT' because it negates everything you said before it."

True, it's working against you in most cases, but…

If this is such a bad word, then why does it exist?

Is there a time when it really shines?

It turns out that this word is very effective when it comes to building credibility.

Yes, building credibility.

And not only.

It can help move people's hearts.

That's true.

In the next few minutes, you'll see how to do both.

There was a charity organization raising money during the housing crisis in 2008.

It was a challenging time with high unemployment, debt, and a lot of fear.

The charity organization had a noble purpose and wanted to do everything possible to find people who could share.

They created an empathetic message intended to connect with people during this difficult time.

Here it is:

"The impact of your donation has never been greater than it is today. But we know how difficult it is for many people to give during these difficult economic times."

Unfortunately, this message didn't attract enough people to make donations.

Dr. Neidert, a Ph.D. and a faculty member in the Department of Psychology at Arizona State University, suggested a change that didn't add or remove any words.

But it increased the influencing power of the message significantly.

He suggested changing the order of the sentences.

The new message would read:

"We know how difficult it is for many people to give during these difficult economic times. But the impact of your donation has never been greater than it is today."

This subtle change moved the focus from the negative part and used the word "BUT" to reduce the effect of negativity shifting the focus to the benefits - the impact of the donation.

The second message produced 38% more donations.

Imagine that just a change in the order of the words was equivalent to helping 38 more people on each 100.

The word BUT has its magic because something special is always more powerful than generic.

It makes the exception of something valuable really stand out from the ordinary.

The famous L'Oreal response to the customer's saying "Oh, you're too expensive!" was:

"Yes, we are expensive, but you're worth it."

Think about how exceptional it makes you feel.

It's not that much about logic, but it really moves your heart.

How can you use the power of this simple word to connect with everyone in the room and build your credibility?

It will sound like magic.

Because it will all happen in front of everybody's eyes and still no one will understand how that happens.

No magic happens without a little bit of risk, but you can do it.

Here's how:

When introducing yourself or your solution, speak first about the weak side.

Make yourself vulnerable and show you're not trying to sell it by only showing the good side.

You are not hiding your weaknesses.

Then, pivot on the word "BUT" and tell about your strong side, your passion, and your purpose.

For example, when I participate in a group discussion, and it's time to introduce myself, I use this formula.

This is what I say:

"I'm a negotiation and influence coach. Also, I'm an immigrant. Sometimes, I have trouble expressing myself and can't find the right words. There are times when I don't understand what people say, and I have to ask them to repeat it for me. In those moments, I feel embarrassed.

But I read all the books on negotiation twice, founded a community of negotiation practice, learned from the Godfather of Influence, Dr. Robert Cialdini, became a certified influence coach, completed every training from Camp Negotiations, and helped a few dozen professionals to succeed in their challenging situations. Because I believe in the power of empathetic communication and that it can remove the need to use force and make us a better society."

How much more powerful does it sound in contrast?

Exposing your weak side subtly allows you to talk about your strong side without sounding arrogant.

And also, when you start by being vulnerable, you allow people to connect with you, especially if they don't have this weakness. They will feel more OK.

Don't underestimate the power of "But."

Use it wisely.

Remember, it's very effective whether you use it correctly or incorrectly.

If you want to learn more about it, sign up for the Business Relationships Tips newsletter and get access to the audio podcasts about negotiation and influence: https://bit.ly/replay-and-summary

Don't miss the chance to build your skills. Join the Community of Practice: https://bit.ly/join-npc