Getting triggered often? Use your System 2.

Are you being triggered sometimes?

It's not easy to keep your cool when somebody comes down on you with negative emotions.

It feels unfair and disrespectful.

At this moment, it's really tempting to respond in kind.

And we all know that it's the worst thing to do, but nonetheless, we get triggered.

Some people advise pausing, taking a break, and returning to the conversation "cool."

Why taking a break is a good idea?

To answer this question, I'd like to recall a model built by Daniel Kahneman, a psychologist and a Nobel Prize winner.

This model explains our decision-making process through 2 systems that operate in our minds.

System 1, which is quick and works on triggers.

It reacts like a program or a sequence of behaviors that starts running when a trigger is activated.

This System is very fast and gives us answers on the spot.

But it's also error-prone. It may trigger a reaction that is justified in the moment but detrimental in the long run.

For example, you see a shiny Lamborghini. Your System 1 says, "It's cool! I'll be so respected in it. I'll get the admiration of my friends. I'll feel so good driving it."

But here, your System 2 comes in and says, "Stop! It's not good for your budget. It's too expensive. You can't afford it."

System 2 is more rational.

It is slow, it takes more energy, but it's more reliable.

But we rely on System 1 for more than 95% of all decisions.

When we're emotionally triggered, System 2 doesn't kick in because when emotions are strong, we feel we need a quick decision.

It's natural because, in a crisis situation, we may not have time to think but rather need to decide quickly whether we fight or fly.

And because System 2 is not at play, we may feel emotions without being rationally aware of it.

What happens when you take a break and take time to think about the situation?

You allow emotions to go down, and your System 2 activates to analyze what happened.

A break gives you a chance to activate your system 2, consider facts, and come up with better conclusions.

System 2 doesn't work well in a time of stress. But, it is much more efficient when you are relaxed and calm.

That's why, many times, wise people want to "sleep on it" and make a decision the next day rather than on the spot.

The same thing happens for the other person who is agitated.

When you take a break, you give them a chance to process the situation.

Also, you may ask them questions that will trigger their thinking process and activate their System 2.

Ask them, "How do you know that?" "How did you come up with this conclusion?" "What else do you know about it?"

All these questions are designed to surface additional information and start the thinking process.

When you are alone and calm, ask yourself, "What really happened? What did I observe? What did I hear? What did I feel?"

When you ask yourself these questions, you activate your System 2 to think and produce a balanced result.

Also, when you talk about your feelings, you're becoming less emotional and more rational.

As a summary, if the conversation escalates and emotions kick in, ask for a break.

But before that, ask them questions that solicit facts.

It will be a good "food for System 2" while they are away and thinking about it.

And think of the time when your System 2 is the most efficient.

Maybe in a quiet morning, on a long walk, during meditation, in a shower.

Use your System 2 to solve problems.

Give it some time and room to operate.

So when you find yourself in a heated conversation, tell yourself, "I need to consult with my System 2."

Take a break.

And you will come back with much better ideas and a much better plan.

Join my Masterclass "7 Principles of Influence" to learn more about how System 1 operates and what you can do about it.

Check it out here: https://www.businessrelationshipscoach.com/