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The word you fear the most

“Yes.”

It might be the best word in English.

“Yes” approves, allows, encourages, and confirms.

The sound of it is so pleasant.

But the worst word must be “No.”

“No” rejects, stops, confronts, and discourages.

Hearing “No” is so hard.

Hearing “No” is painful and uncomfortable.

We avoid it at all cost.

We avoid it even at the cost of our success, prosperity, wellness, relationships, growth, and happiness.

We fear the sound of this awful word.

And because we fear it:

  • We don’t ask for help

  • We don’t ask for what we deserve

  • We don’t reach out to make a connection

  • We don’t make a business proposal

  • We don’t ask for a higher price

  • We don’t invite someone we like

  • We don’t meet new people

  • We don’t show our interest

But there’s a bigger problem.

We not only fear hearing “No.”

We also fear saying it.

Because of this:

  • We don’t set the boundaries with our boss

  • We don’t confront the issues with our colleagues

  • We don’t ask our neighbor to lower the volume of the music

  • We don’t say to our partner that the partnership doesn’t make sense anymore

  • We don’t want to interrupt someone who is speaking for 5 minutes non-stop

  • We don’t walk away from a bad deal

  • We don’t re-negotiate unfair agreements

  • We don’t want to hold our partner accountable

We don’t want to be in the role of a “bad person.”

Therefore, we say “Yes” to many things that we don’t like.

I’ll give you a real-life example.

A landlord rented a room in his house on the basis that the tenant is a non-smoker.

“No smoking is allowed” was stated in the lease.

And sure enough, 2 months into the lease, the landlord started to feel something that was not exactly tobacco.

What do you think was running through the head of the landlord?

  • Is this really a smoke?

  • Shall I talk to the tenant?

  • What if he will get upset?

  • Maybe I’m wrong?

  • Maybe it’s just one time?

  • Does my tenant really smoke, or is there something coming from outside?

  • What should I say to the tenant?

  • What if he will move out?

  • What if he gets upset and stops paying rent?

  • What is the best time to speak about the issue like that?

And many more questions like that.

They are all questions caused by the fear of hearing and saying “No.”

What should the landlord do if there’s no fear?

Right, just knock on the door and ask:

“Are you smoking in your room? If so, you’re in the breach of the agreement. Please, move out.”

But we cope with bad things and with things we don’t want for way too long.

When tolerated long enough, things like that lead to disrespect, anger, and intolerance.

The tenant doesn’t ask the landlord if it’s OK because he fears hearing “No.”

The landlord doesn’t raise the issue with the tenant out of fear of saying “No.”

Lose-lose.

Silently and politely.

How many situations like this do we encounter every day?

How much more could we do if we didn’t fear hearing or saying “No?”

That’s what the Camp Negotiation System teaches us.

Join our call with Jim Camp Jr., co-owner of Camp Negotiations, on Monday.

Jim is a negotiation guru and a son of the legendary Jim Camp, the author of “Start with NO” bestseller.

If you are in the Negotiation Practice Community, find the Zoom registration link in the #schedule Slack channel inside the Community.

Otherwise, you can join our screencast on LinkedIn and ask your questions through the chat.

Register here:

https://www.linkedin.com/events/unlockingleadershipsecrets-thep7125311169573138432/theater/

Cheers!

Vlad

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